M.E. And My List

M.E. And My List

The eyes they slowly open
A restless night behind
Sleep didn’t want to come my way
To rest my buzzing mind

I gently rise to find my feet
Hope the strength is there to greet
My legs like stilts, …..no feeling
I fall,…… to stare up at the ceiling

It’s gonna be another day
Where M.E. has its rotten way
Once again I’ve been unplugged
Once again my brain’s been mugged
I wanted to get so much done
It seems the beast again has won

But I’ll make my list
And hope for strength
A window however small
Allowing a little normal
A walk instead of crawl

We get some days
When it’s ajar
We get to walk
Though not too far
We get to breathe some good fresh air
Blowing through my receding hair…..

I write my list so full of hope
Each task quite small and clear
But my brain it drains, it’s just insane
To confirm my inner fear

Just listing jobs does me in
Temptation is to just begin
Push on through, get it done
Expect the crash, there will be one

We wake to dream for return to norm
But most days leave us so forlorn
To show we can still be part
Of life before our strengths depart

We sometimes get a glimmer
A little ray of sun
The merest little window
That let’s us get things done

No climbing of the Eiger
No sailing round the coast
Maybe a shower, or out for an hour
Or just to make some toast….

I hope you kind of get the gist
This ain’t no final bucket list
Don’t want to swim the bloomin’ channel
Just the strength to wring out my flannel
A little hope is all we wish
A little help won’t go amiss

I should be on drugs enough
To jump start the swinging sixties
Instead, no funds, no help, no hope
Just plaster sized poor fixes

So if M.E. is something new to you
This is a lesson learned
We have no magic bullet
‘Doing’ must be earned

Judging how we use our strength
Is what we have to do
We should pace, instead of race
To ‘do’, and power on through

Health is wealth, and we are poor
We need help to find a cure
Until we do to yourself be kind
To your body, soul and mind

Atop that list of what ‘To Do’
Must always simply be just ‘You’
Without your health
Nothing gets done
So just you look after Number One….

By Bill Clayton
© 20 July 2018

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