By Debbie Deboo in The Mighty.
I was diagnosed with ME 15 years ago. Before that I was a confident professional in charge of my own life and completely autonomous. When I got ill I found myself in the difficult position of having to rely on others. I could no longer go anywhere alone as I wasn’t well enough to walk anywhere or take public transport or drive, so if I wanted anything from the shops I had to ask if I could be taken or if someone could go for me. I found sometimes cooking too much for me and again I had to rely on others to cook my food, make my bed, do my washing and so on.
I’ve never found this easy, and in fact, the mere act of asking for help has caused me great anxiety which has gotten worse over the years. If I happen to notice a flash of irritation cross the caregiver’s face when I ask for something, I am devastated and crushed. I feel like a burden, useless, demanding, a curse. Sometimes, at those points, I even feel suicidal because I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, someone who irritates others because she needs something from the shop.
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