When I Thought I Lost Me To ME



By  in The Mighty.


For years now, I’ve dreamed of being healthy again. I know I may never be, but I will continue to dream for it.  I also know that for years that I no longer felt like myself. I felt lost in the pain, the disease, the uncertainty of it all.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), a multi-system disease that causes dysfunction of the neurological, immune, endocrine and energy metabolism systems. Since then, and ironically enough, I felt like “ME” had stolen me. How I ached to be me again.

As time has progressed and many mindful moments later, I realized that I’ve actually not only have been me all this time, but I’ve been me on full blast. It’s been me, the best in me, that’s gotten me through all this.

In hindsight, I think I felt I lost me because I could no longer do so many of the things I loved – working out, dancing, having a cocktail or two, and living my day-to-day life without hesitation. Now, however, I have realized that I have been able to replace these things with new activities, many that are just as or more rewarding. And when it comes to dancing, I found a new way to dance. Mental happy dances!


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